Daddy Thoughts 17 - Brand new daughter

"Fresh from god's eye" -Ursula Rucker

I've always loved that line. I'm not religious and do not subscribe to any faith. I'm not even sure if I believe in a god, but I have definitely called upon someone or something before....

 Well, in parenting news. In addition to being the father of a 14 year old boy I now have a brand new baby girl. She is smiley, glorious, beautiful, soft, cuddly, and a piece of my heart breathing. My wife gave birth to her in September and we have both been just adjusting to our daughter's every need. That means a lot less sleep of course and the slow down of the grind and hustle to really take time to smell her hands, hold them, and marvel at her presence. She indeed has a presence.

One question I have gotten a lot since she was born is if it is different from when my son was born. Of course it is. I mean, I feel the same and I feel very different. I was a baby when my son was born. My son's mother and I split up when he was 3 and some how managed to co-parent this child since then. Not without hiccups, disagreements, or challenges at all. But he's ok. My wife and I started our relationship over 6 years ago, got married 3 years ago, and now we have this beautiful little girl to be thankful for. We wished for her, wanted her, and prayed that she reach us safely. I feel so blessed that my wife and my daughter are safe and healthy. Baby girl is talking and cooing a lot. She is discovering things beyond a few feet in front of her and she is figuring out how to use her hands. She is amazing and it was extremely sweet to have her big brother meet and hold her (see photo).

A couple of thoughts with this one. Each child has a presence, and is so different. There are things I forgot about, and some things that are coming back to me very easily. One thing is for sure, I am so proud and happy to be her Daddy. I look forward to raising her with her Mama and introducing her to her family and community. I dislike the mountain of girls clothes with pink and having to have a bow or something pink for people to know she is a girl. Also, I wonder if that gender is what she will grow up to be. I can't wait to take her to the park and run around. Me and my son did that all the time and I loved it!

That's it for now.

Previous post: 8th grade feelings

2nd annual Social Justice Book Fair - Oakland

Folks, for the 2nd year in a row I have been able to help produce this amazing book fair with Social Justice minded kids bk creators, authors of color, queer and local authors. We started off in the mighty Chapter 510 space last year and have moved to Destiny Arts, still in Oakland. If you are around, we have many great book makers confirmed and the Grammy nominated group ALPHABET ROCKERS will be in the house performing alongside the kids and doing interactive tings. I will be there as well selling my book, reading, and signing books for families.

Saturday Dec 8th, 10am-2pm
Destiny Arts in Oakland
Social Justice and Diverse Books
Alphabet Rockers and various performers for kids
 Event link

Alphabet Rockers - Walls

Walls by Alphabet Rockers https://youtu.be/WklALdTzCko for those parents wanting a song for kids that discusses walls and loving one another. AND its Bilignual!

Although AR are Grammy nominated and most love their message, they have been asked not to perform the song because some parents didn't agree w/ the message. Watch this and share w/ your kids.

Children's portrait 48- Alejandra

Can't remember this young lady's background other than that she's a mixed latina. But she really likes Wonder Woman and wanted herself painted in her halloween costume, plus some of the newer WW symbols from the film. Super cute kid with curly hair!

Would you like a custom portrait painted? Please check out this link for my store.

Want tos ee the previous one? Click HERE for portraits of brothers Elijah and Zander

One of a kind, like me 11- Animation

This is a story by Laurin Mayeno, the author of "One of a kind, like me" and this is an awesome heart wrenching animation about her son and her son's father. For those that don't know, El Salvador and other countries like Guatemala and Nicaragua were doing their best to throw US forces and puppets out of their countries but were facing US trained mercenaries, deaths quads, and several coup's to control those countries, their people, and their wealth. Please watch!

Urban Dads- Dad groups

This is a really touching video, so inspiring to see. Great to see groups like this, Fathers Incorporated (ATL), Black Men Smile(ATL), Fathers Corps (Bay Area), and others doing the work.

Book Zone @ Life is Living 10!

Hey folks, I'm sure you know that I'm a father, husband, artist, and children's book creator. 

I would like to invite your family to join me and hundreds of other parents @ Life Is Living, October 14th, 2017! It's the 10th year anniversary. Likely to be the best event in all of Oakland that day. Can you join us? If so, RSVP HERE and tag other parents who might be interested.

// My family has attended Life Is Living for the last 10 years.

We attend because it is a place to see friends, meet fellow creatives, and to manifest community building. It's been a great space to meet new people, to catch up with folks, and introduce my son to so much–skating, visual arts, poetry, healthy food, an event with a vibe filled with love. This is our second year as more than just attendee's. Last year we organized a book zone. That was fun, so we're doing it again. This time, with multiple story times throughout the day!

We've organized a host of local authors to lead story time through out the day. This years focus is on stories about children of color and some stories about queer kids too.

Hear the stories with your kids, meet the authors, collect a book, get author signatures, and connect with literacy some advocates like the Oakland Public Library.

We hope to gathering over 100 Parents throughout the day at the Book Zone, which is part of a much larger KIDS ZONE run by artist Emily Butterfly. 

There will be many activities for children such as face painting, silk screening, mural painting, and there is a Labyrinth and obstacle course!

OCTOBER 14TH 10:30am-5:30PM, Defremery (Bobby Hutton) Park 1651 Adeline St, Oakland, Ca 94607

Daddy Thoughts 13- Armor & Loops

It’s hard to predict the level of protectiveness I would feel as a parent before this child was here. Actually it is hard to imagine the level of protectiveness I’ll feel with each developmental change. I think one of the things that amazed me so much when I became a dad was the level of fragility I felt. I wanted to shield and protect. I realized there was so much destructiveness in this world. 

Kids are vulnerable to a lot with or without a guardian. Some of the danger we can control like a broken glass bottle in their path, or skipping a film you know is R rated.  But some experiences we can’t even see. Humiliation, betrayal, or hurt feelings; how do you prepare a kid for that? I mean, you can prep them. Give them a pep talk. But there really is no way to learn how to cope with tough issues until you face them. So, many times recently because of a change in my co-parenting plan (involving him living away from me) I have felt an ever growing urge to arm my son. I mean physically and mentally arm him. Like Neo in the Matrix! I wish I could download kung fu, conflict resolution, or cooking lessons on fried rice.

I think of putting all the necessary items in his backpack before he embarks on a journey. And yet I can’t. I can prepare him a little, but I can’t give him armor so that the harsh blows of reality wont stun him too much. As a guardian or parent, have you ever felt this way? Like you’re not giving a child enough to equip them for this thing called life? What is something you wish your parents had given you?

At least I can say I started the downloading of martial arts. I enrolled him in a kung fu class and as evil as it sounds, I can’t wait til’ he starts sparring and gets whacked, and hits back in a safe environment.

Side note: Lately this child has been a human tape recorder, pausing and replaying things. Rewinding and repeating phrases and sounds. From old vine and You-Tube videos, commercials, to black musicians’ declarations appropriated by the internet. He’ll say the same phrase over and over again until I have to say in Spanish “stop”, ”no more”, “enough”! Lord knows I hate to crush the boy’s creativity but sometimes I need quiet. Strangely enough when they leave you, you find yourself saying the very things that annoyed you or longing for their voice.

Life is Living-Oakland Oct 8th

I will be reading Furqan's First and One of a kind like me at the Kids Zone around 2. And I will be selling the books the whole day near the OPL, come and find me. Here are some of the flyers created for this years Life is Living event showcasing music, dance, art, culture, health, and good vibes. Come through and feel free to share the posters w/ the 50 yr Black Panther anniversary design! If youre an artist or book vendor and would like to table please go HERE.

Play-Well Teknologies! (For kids)

Hey parents, please be on the look out for this organization that teaches engineering skills to girls, boys, and gender non conforming students all across the US using LEGO's!! I took my son to one of their workshops a year ago and invited them to his school science & wonder fair and the kids loved it. The organization holds workshops, classes, summer camps, birthday parties and more. Please check them out.

http://www.play-well.org/

Daddy Thoughts 11- First pair of Jordan's?

Ok before I talk about the Jordan’s let me just say that ads, advertisements and the idea that a product brings you value, status, or worth is still very prevalent. I mean, you can hear it in the rhymes of young people. When they (male rappers) brag about what it is or what makes them cool its often one or all of three things ; money, objects, and women (as if women were an object too, no?). Violent attitude too, but thats for another discussion.

The reason I bring this up is because my son came to me the other day talking about “what are those” . Parents if you’re not up on the lingo, Vine videos are viral comedy skits, dance, or phrases that kids envelop into their daily vernacular or speech. “What are those” refers to shoes mostly. Its an old thing, transformed to a new generation. Basically are your shoes a part of the normal or fashionable cannon of shoes( Don't be an outcast)? Or are they very expensive and highly sought after? NOT, are they unique (Be a Sheep!)? NOT are they made by you or someone in your extended family? And that folks, frustrates me.

I get Capitalism, I get Consumerism, I understand Imperialism, and all of that. But, I was surprised when my son basically said they make jokes on each other about each others shoes. Like, damn! That’s what I was doing at his age, lol. I should not be surprised, I should not have been caught off guard. But I was. Imagine them saying my shoes cost more than your whole outfit argument.

I sat my son down and reiterated the idea of “propaganda”. Whenever we have watched television together, I have muttered or shouted the word propaganda when a commercial comes on. Why? I wanted him to associate the word with commercials. I want him to question what they are selling him. I want him to think!! I do not want him to be a blind consumer, a cow being lead to the slaughter, or a child who feels his worth is tied into his sneakers. But damn, there it is again, generation after generation we (boys, girls, transgender kids) are sold the idea that we are less than. We are told we are poor. We are told that if we want to achieve status in this society, we must purchase. Could be a Lamborgini, a chain of diamonds and gold, the most expensive I-phone whatever (Coltan-Congo), or a pair of Michael Jordan shoes.

I’m pissed that kids still cap, diss, bag, or talk shit to each other this way, so I also told my son that his worth does not come from his shoes, it comes from inside. His morals, his actions, how he treats himself and others. I also told him that whether a person’s parent paid $150 for a pair of shoes or $20 they did the best they could and that they aren’t any less important in this world. He of course said “Daddy, were just joking!” But on the real, that is how doubt, self worth, and depression cured by American Dream gets started in an 11 year old. I should know, I thought the same about guess jeans, owning records, toys, cars, guns, etc.

Now back to the Jordan’s. He tells me, “Daddy, I think I know what I want for Christmas” . Christmas, as in “buy 3^rd world manufactured shit that the corporations turn a 300% profit on” day. So I said in Spanish, “Ok, pues dime. Que quieres mijo?” And he says Jordan’s!! I had to smile because I started wanted certain types of shoes at 9 years old. My dilemma is that those shoes were designed by talented people such as Tinker Hatfield and damn they are fly. But you know I had to break down the numbers for him by telling him that those shoes cost $6 or $7 to make, and they sell them for $100-$200 depending on which number you get. I was proud in a sense though, because as twisted as it sounds it is part of Black Culture (being sold over priced shoes) , and scared at the same time.  Think of Buggin Out and Police Brutality in “Do the RightThing”.

So, I said NO! He said “ I thought you might say that”. He knows his dad. Then , he went on to ell me he wanted Run DMC shoes, to which his mom asked “do you know what he’s talking about?”. I explained of course. But all my old school hip hop fans know right? What do you think? Shell toes cost $60-70 now (also a rip off). But what would you say to your child? What would you allow or not allow? In terms of fighting the good fight, revolutionary change, how does that fit in? Leave a comment. Did you ever have a parent or political activist break down shoes and how much they charge? Who? When?

-Rob (Dad)

Children's Portrait 37- Theo

 

This little dude is 6 years old and comes from a Russian, Ukranian, Polish,  and English. If you are interested in a hand made/painted portrait of your child, please click HERE.

Daddy thoughts 10- He's in love!

My son is in love for the first time. Not with a girl or a boy, though he has mentioned a young lady that he admires greatly. He smiles when he mentions her, but I can’t divulge more because he would be mad if I did. What I mean is that we share our first love together. He loves it and so do I. I’m talking about hip-hop.  As I sit playing the instrumental to this classic, I can’t help but feel nostalgic and somewhat emotional. He actually likes it.

How do I know he’s in love? (I’ve written about him rocking out before, because he was about that “Twisted Sister” life for real) I know because he has an uncanny ear for memorizing songs, lyrics, and melodies quickly. When I play records, and I play them a lot I know he’s listening closely because he’ll ask to hear this or that again. I took certain records like “The Message”, “The Biz Mark”, and “Sucker Mc’s” down from the higher shelf so he could play them and look at the covers. And he did! He picked out LL’s “I Can’t Live w/out My Radio” and put it on. He took out “King of Rock” and put that on. The other day, I put on a record…I can’t even remember which one. But I felt so much pride seeing him just nod his head to the beat. I mean, he’s playing with his lego’s and setting up an imaginative battle scene from the “D-Day Invasion” (yes , he’s that specific about them) and I put it on and he just starts nodding his head. I look at him and smile, he smiles back, and goes back to what he was doing.

I don’t want to overwhelm him, but I have so freaking much I want to show him and tell him. This music and this culture the sounds, attitudes, codes, rules, herstory, past, present, future. agggh! There’s so much. I mean, I’m giving him little pieces right now of “Ladies First” and “Kriss Kross”, but I cannot wait to play him “Nautilus” or “ You Must learn” when he’s ready to really hear it, you know what I mean? Right now, its all the catchy choruses which is fine, because I used to buy an LP and listen to the single over and over.  He loves the songs he hears on commercials, video games, and at Warriors games so I have to tell him who this or that person is, while at the same time playing old funk , jazz, or boogaloo records too. There is so much knowledge, wisdom, and beauty in the music and culture that got me through tough times, decisions, cross roads, failure, happiness, and triumph. I know there are plumbers, nail technicians, and veterinarians somewhere that are passing down knowledge and love to their little ones. What do you absolutely love that you hope your child appreciates when s/he is grown? Holler in the comments.

Furqan's First Flattop UPDATE 3

Hey folks, for those who gave and supported the Furqan's First Flat Top book project, theres is a new update up on the Kickstarter site and should have been sent out to all you backers. Thank you for your continued patience and support. The paintings are done and you'll see three of them there. Peep a snippet from spread 3 here.. The artwork has been passed on to Swash Design studio for layout, stay tuned...

4Fathers

Yo!! The third issue of this amazing journal/magazine is out! If you don't know, this is a place for fathers to write down their thoughts. Not only does the journal boast a wide array of people, it serves as a mirror for people to see themselves and a window for folks to see others. I got a chance to contribute to this magazine so please check it out! Hey, if you're looking for a documentation of parenthood , look no further.

SUPPORT HERE w/ a digital or physical copy.

Animal Island-Red Tailed Hawk

dope video by Jahziel, Iselah, and Papi Rico Pabon!

Daddy Thoughts 9-Accept responsibility part one

This post will be broken up into two parts because it is very long.

Today I get a call from one of his maestra’s telling me my boy is reading a lot in class. At first, I think “Oh wow, that’s a good thing”. But it turns out the teacher asked him to put his book away and pay attention to other class activities. I am super excited that he is reading without anyone telling him to. I’m glad that he finds happiness in it on his own. It should be some form of entertainment, learning, and escape all at the same time. But, the problem is listening.

This past year it was tough because I felt like a broken record. I was repeating myself and asking him to do the same things day in and day out. Brush your teeth, hurry up, finish eating, take a shower, wash your dish, etc. It got to the point where it was starting to annoy me, so I know he was annoyed. I thought about how to handle this because he had no problems remembering to turn on my computer and watch a cartoon or a documentary about World War 2. So, I made a list-something I love to do-of all of the things I wanted him to do. The things he would be responsible for. And I made a list of all of the privileges he gets with help from him of course.

Now I know some parents will disagree with the method, but it has worked for me. I’m strict. My dad was strict, now I’m strict. My mom was strict about some things, but generally she was more lenient that my dad was. Now, I feel like that pattern is happening again with my son. But, I feel much more comfortable expressing emotion and feeling. I tell him I love him all of the time. I try to tell him how I feel, etc. And I ask that he do the same.

Now, back to the list of things. I decided I wanted to change it to a chart. So, I looked up responsibility charts online and found a lot of different examples for chores and many other things. I’m still trying to figure out allowance and jobs that I will pay him for, but what was nagging, arguments, frustration, whining, and yelling has turned into a more positive pattern. My partner helped me organize the chart. When he handles his morning activities (brushing teeth, making his bed, etc) he gets a point. When he cleans his room  (sweeps, dusts, cleans up, organizes) he gets two points. And there are more responsibilities. But basically I award him for handling these things I’ve laid out with time to watch cartoons, play video games, or choose a dessert. I’ve also asked him to list other privileges he wants like sleep over’s, going out to the movies, or buying legos. These other things require “saving”.

This has worked out great because now, I just say go look at your list of things to do and handle it (based partially on other parents recommendations too) and he does it. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t get to do the stuff he wants to on my weekend. He forgot to do his chores once. I didn’t remind him. And when the time came to chill out on the weekend, there was no TV, no computer, and no privileges. He was pissed! But he learned a lesson that day, and hasn’t missed his chores since. I try not to punish him, but rather award him for the stuff he is able to handle. It has improved our relationship greatly because in 2013, my fiancée, myself, and him all moved into a house together. And he acted out because. Well, because kids don’t always know how to say how they’re feeling. To be continued......

Character 91- Father, Son, & Fear

Do people understand what Black fathers, Black women, Black trans folks, etc feel like when they walk outside? 

In Culture Parent- and my blog feature about comics!

Awhile back i was looking for reviews or information about multicultural children's books online when I came across a post about several Asian American children books written by Meera Sriram and thought...Awesome!! I looked around the blog and found a lot of other cool information from a diverse array of people. And so I contacted Stephanie Meade and the rest is history. I've had so many people give me suggestions on which books to read , or which books to show my son to get him reading. These are some of my favorites that we've read together from a few independent creators and larger publishers. Please read my post about them and share them with other parents so we can get them babies reading, comprehending, and understanding!

The books I speak about in the article are 21-Clemente by Wilfred Santiago, Brotherman by Dawud Anyabwile and Guy Sims, Spirirted Away (Manga) by Hayao Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli, and Ciudad by Octavio Rodiguez.

LINK: to article

Daddy Thoughts 3- Let them win/lose

Let them win, and help them understand that winning is losing to. So, one of the things I learned about being a parent is to take cues and lessons from other parents. While living with friends I noticed how different their play and games routines were from mine. Didn’t take away anything negative about theirs or mine, just made me aware of some things I wanted to incorporate into my sons life and mine. One of the biggest on my agenda was games. My son has a wii, which I was against at first. But his abuelita bought him one and what can I say? His mom wanted him to use it at their house. But, I wanted to do something playful that involved thinking and strategy.

 So, I noticed my friends played a lot of board games. I never really played them heavily as a kid. I knew of them and played occasionally, but I always find myself having to reread the instructions as an adult. So, one night my boy is at a friends house playing a game called “Stratego”. Now mind you, I’ve already done my Christmas shopping, but I went back to get more board games because it interested him.

Fast forward, we’ve started to play "Trouble" and "Stratego". I got Scrabble as well, but breaking these other ones in first. So Stratego is kind of a war game , an easier version of Chess. And Trouble is a game of completing laps with figures through chance. My son loves both of these games and loves winning! BUT, he falls apart when he loses. I’ve done my best to be calm, not react too much. I simply state that he must be a good sport and congratulate his opponet the way they do in soccer practice. I've beaten him and I've let him win. Why? I could let him win all the time, but I think that is building false hope because once he comes across a worthy opponet he will lose. And I don’t beat him all the time because I want him to understand that he wins some and loses some, but that the point is to keep playing. The more you play the better you become.

This is definitely trial and error, but I feel that letting them win some helps them build confidence and makes them eager to improve their skills. I also think beating him every now and then is good because him to respect defeat. More on this as it progresses. The most important thing though for me is building the ability to think critically in a different way.