It’s
hard to predict the level of protectiveness I would feel as a parent before
this child was here. Actually it is hard to imagine the level of protectiveness
I’ll feel with each developmental change. I think one of the things that amazed
me so much when I became a dad was the level of fragility I felt. I wanted to
shield and protect. I realized there was so much destructiveness in this
world.
Kids
are vulnerable to a lot with or without a guardian. Some of the danger we can
control like a broken glass bottle in their path, or skipping a film you know
is R rated. But some experiences
we can’t even see. Humiliation, betrayal, or hurt feelings; how do you prepare
a kid for that? I mean, you can prep them. Give them a pep talk. But there really
is no way to learn how to cope with tough issues until you face them. So, many
times recently because of a change in my co-parenting plan (involving him
living away from me) I have felt an ever growing urge to arm my son. I mean physically
and mentally arm him. Like Neo in the Matrix! I wish I could download kung fu,
conflict resolution, or cooking lessons on fried rice.
I
think of putting all the necessary items in his backpack before he embarks on a
journey. And yet I can’t. I can prepare him a little, but I can’t give him armor
so that the harsh blows of reality wont stun him too much. As a guardian or
parent, have you ever felt this way? Like you’re not giving a child enough to
equip them for this thing called life? What is something you wish your parents
had given you?
At
least I can say I started the downloading of martial arts. I enrolled him in a
kung fu class and as evil as it sounds, I can’t wait til’ he starts sparring
and gets whacked, and hits back in a safe environment.
Side note: Lately this child has been a human tape recorder, pausing and
replaying things. Rewinding and repeating phrases and sounds. From old vine and
You-Tube videos, commercials, to black musicians’ declarations appropriated by
the internet. He’ll say the same phrase over and over again until I have to say
in Spanish “stop”, ”no more”, “enough”! Lord knows I hate to crush the boy’s creativity
but sometimes I need quiet. Strangely enough when they leave you, you find
yourself saying the very things that annoyed you or longing for their voice.
