Jason Wilson -Inspiring words!

 

This was a really inspiring interview to listen to. In it this brother talks about healing, fatherhood, being a son, hurting, opening up to his emotions, and teaching young men of color to be open to their feelings. I realized I'd seen videos of him and his students in a dojo as he teaches martial arts. But, I'd forgotten about the emotional healing he teaches as well. Def worth a listen!

Daddy Thoughts 19- Twist and repeat

Happy New year to all you reading this and all my parents or caregivers of little ones. I regularly write 2-3 posts a year on parenting, fatherhood, co-parenting, mistakes, or triumphs. But last year was a blur of raising baby raising. My daughter is now over a year old and in childcare so I have a bit more time to get back to work. So here are a couple of observations going through the baby stages again.

Twist and bend!
I forgot how much you have to twist, turn, and bend to care for little people. Sometimes that is because they cannot move on their own and need your help to get that bottle, nipple, snack, or to burp. I started to remember that certain parts or sides of my body got a lot of use to hold my daughter and my son. When my son was born I actually started stretching regularly because my back got sore from picking him up or holding him. I'm better at it now, but I still feel it now with the new baby.

The other side of twisting and bending is the manipulation of your own body to catch them so they don't fall. It's the twist to get their shoes on or their diapers off. It's also the movement and turning to feed them. It's really funny to see them squirm and turn away when begin to do it. Then, its like bending and twisting to get them to eat. Some. Thing! How many of you are going through this or remember what it was like? I hope you and your body get some rest this year! If anything this teaches us to be flexible, no?

Repeat because kid is tuned out, eat chips for dinner, don't notice me, littlest effort as possible
Ok with my teen there are a different set of challenges and I would wager to say that this ranges from kid to kid and in no way represents teens. What's up with mine? He is excelling in school and shared a moment that made me proud. I'll come back to that.

Repeat, force,
Lately the challenge has been repeating myself and getting him to listen. I think this is a really tough time because with my teen he's big! But he's still a kid so I have to remind him to do things like be quiet so his sister can nap, close the bathroom door so she doesn't throw stuff into the toilet, etc. Beyond that its the normal stuff like washing dishes, greeting people, and the almighty screens. I have relaxed my rules on screens but I still feel like they still need guidance. It is so easy to spend an entire day staring at one as we as adults know this. It's also easy to forget about real life friends, nature, going to events, and socializing. And I feel like I have to keep trying to reinforce this. Even if it means I am not his favorite person because I made him go outside.

What else? I'm noticing just how much responsibility and pressure is placed on girls and young women versus the freedom to chill and just play that boys have. This is a broad generalization but I see things my mom or family let me do like waiting to make plans, not cooking, or not planning. Planning is such a big one. So, while I don't want to force him to do too much before he's ready I am encouraging him to make plans ahead of time and trying to teach him to cook because he'd eat an entire bag of chips for dinner if I let him.

One things for sure, big brother loves little sister and she is fascinated by him.

That's it. What parenting things are happening for you? Fails and triumphs welcome.
Daddy thoughts 18- Reset button 

Daddy thoughts 18 - Reset button

Hey readers, thanks for continuing to read my thoughts on fatherhood. I last left off at "Brand New Daughter" and have been thinking about how different things are this time around.

Starting over: 
As a new dad again I feel in some ways like I'm starting over. I have a lot of knowledge and experience but also so much to learn still and the feels rather humbling. I did not intend to have such a big break in between children but life had other plans. After my son's mother and I split I realized I needed to date as an adult. I needed to go out and experience some things I hadn't as a young father. When I had my son I was only 24 years old. I was a boy myself! Now I'm a grown man with a newborn and a teenager. And this time although I don't own a home or have all of my finances worked out I feel like I know what to do.

Girl colors: 
My daughter's personality is different from my son's of course. He was often very serious as a baby unless you tickled him. And my daughter smiles all the time. One thing I've noticed again which I'm sorry to say is still such as thing is gendered colors. It is almost automatic to get clothes that are pink. Pink is a beautiful color but it sucks that this is the only marker that says female child. Why can't boys wear pink? I dress my daughter in all sorts of colors and have asked many relatives not to buy her pink clothes. I . don't hate the color. Just the idea that it means "girl" to folks. It's funny, often times I dress her in grey's and people will say "he's" so handsome or cute. Sometimes I correct them, and sometimes I marvel at how engrained we all are. Me included.

New parental improvements: 
There are some new parental improvements that I see. For one, all of the clothes I remember had plain colors or one loud image on them like a car or a pony. Now, I see much more variety in children's clothing. My wife and I have been blessed to get lots of hand me downs from friends, my god daughter, and other kids. And I see a huge improvement in kids clothing styles. Not only that, but diaper bags, bibs, place mats, etc all have gotten stylistically much better looking. The strollers are more hardcore. I remember the fancy off road strollers that you often see parents pushing and running with were astronomically expensive. There still are pricy strollers, but some of the advancements have been made more affordable. One thing tat is slightly better but still needs improvements are changing tables in men's bathrooms. When my son was a baby I always had a tough time trying to find a changing table in the bathroom. Often , I'd find a corner and change him on the floor.

Staying home: 
Right now, I am the stay at home dad. I work as a freelancer so I would be at home anyway. But my wife went back to work and is the breadwinner for our family. I feel happy to be able to take care of my daughter and record her new tricks for Mama. But, I also wish I made more money so my wife could stay home with her. Either way, it has meant more than just caring for our daughter. It has meant trying to have dinner ready, wash the mountains of kid laundry, or clean up the whirlwind of our house. All stuff women have done for ages.

Memory:
I've found that there are certain memories that come back to me about my son when he was a baby. The things he used to do. And so many times I cannot remember a certain thing he did or said and that frustrates the hell out of me. I wish my memory was better.

Anyways, thats it for now. Just some reflections on being a dad again. If you missed it, I got to speak with a dad on this podcast! Stay tuned....

Previous post: Brand new daughter

Podcast Interview- Papa Culture Pod!

Yo! Been listening to this laid back podcast run by two fathers. They talk about hip hop, sports, pop culture, dad fails, and dad triumphs! I was lucky enough to be a guest on their show. Check it out on Itunes, Stitcher, or whatever podcast app you listen to. 

Here is the link if you want to listen to it on your desktop. LINK

If you'd like to hear another interview check out The Stoop Podcast where I talked about Black Hair and kids books.

Character 145 - Dad's who dig

This one is for my Dads or fathers who dig, especially my vinyl junkies. I took my son to the record store a few times and although he wasn't as excited as I was, I'm happy I got to do that. I will leave my records for him one day. Is there a record that comes to mind when you first started digging? Did your parents take you to look for music at record store, swap meet, convention, or thrift store? Who is a dad you know of that still digs? You want a print of this?

The LP the dad is holding is a remix of the record "TAXI" by Sly & Robbie; a record I grew up hearing in the house.

Record Store Day - Furqan spread

Where all my father's that dig at? This is a scene from my book Furqan's First Flat Top. Had to put that in the book because I love music and records. I grew up with them and I plan to pass them on to my son some day.

Just wanted to remind folks that its record store day and to go support your local record store by buying vinyl, tapes, cd's whatever you can still play in your home or car. If you're in the Bay Area here are some spots I recommend:

Amoeba Records - Berkeley & SF
Down Home Records - El Cerrito
Green Apple Books - SF
Grooves- SF
Half Price Books - Berkeley
Park Blvd Records & Tapes- Oakland
Rasputin's- Fairfield & Berkeley
Streetlight Records- San Jose

Urban Dads- Dad groups

This is a really touching video, so inspiring to see. Great to see groups like this, Fathers Incorporated (ATL), Black Men Smile(ATL), Fathers Corps (Bay Area), and others doing the work.

Daddy Thoughts 13- Armor & Loops

It’s hard to predict the level of protectiveness I would feel as a parent before this child was here. Actually it is hard to imagine the level of protectiveness I’ll feel with each developmental change. I think one of the things that amazed me so much when I became a dad was the level of fragility I felt. I wanted to shield and protect. I realized there was so much destructiveness in this world. 

Kids are vulnerable to a lot with or without a guardian. Some of the danger we can control like a broken glass bottle in their path, or skipping a film you know is R rated.  But some experiences we can’t even see. Humiliation, betrayal, or hurt feelings; how do you prepare a kid for that? I mean, you can prep them. Give them a pep talk. But there really is no way to learn how to cope with tough issues until you face them. So, many times recently because of a change in my co-parenting plan (involving him living away from me) I have felt an ever growing urge to arm my son. I mean physically and mentally arm him. Like Neo in the Matrix! I wish I could download kung fu, conflict resolution, or cooking lessons on fried rice.

I think of putting all the necessary items in his backpack before he embarks on a journey. And yet I can’t. I can prepare him a little, but I can’t give him armor so that the harsh blows of reality wont stun him too much. As a guardian or parent, have you ever felt this way? Like you’re not giving a child enough to equip them for this thing called life? What is something you wish your parents had given you?

At least I can say I started the downloading of martial arts. I enrolled him in a kung fu class and as evil as it sounds, I can’t wait til’ he starts sparring and gets whacked, and hits back in a safe environment.

Side note: Lately this child has been a human tape recorder, pausing and replaying things. Rewinding and repeating phrases and sounds. From old vine and You-Tube videos, commercials, to black musicians’ declarations appropriated by the internet. He’ll say the same phrase over and over again until I have to say in Spanish “stop”, ”no more”, “enough”! Lord knows I hate to crush the boy’s creativity but sometimes I need quiet. Strangely enough when they leave you, you find yourself saying the very things that annoyed you or longing for their voice.

Rad Families Anthology

All you Rad Dad's and families out there! Rad Dad is back with a new anthology of works. Peep this message from the founder Tomas Moniz....and order the book for your store, library, or home

Hello, it's Tomas Moniz, editor and writer and creator of RAD DAD (zine, magazine, & books). After a hiatus following the release of our final magazine issue, we at the RAD DAD collective are back with an exciting birth announcement: RAD FAMILIES is due around September! 

It's a vibrant & necessary anthology of writings by so many amazing people (including a number of trans, queer, & POC voices) all examining what it means to create family! 

Helps us spread the word, set up an event, & create community!

Questions email tomas.moniz@gmail.com.

Ordering: stephanie@pmpress.org

In solidarity!

Tomas!

Divided Time documentary

Preview Trailer - "Divided Time" from Will F on Vimeo.
Just watched this great documentary in Oakland yesterday at the 7th annual "Fist Up Film Festival"

4Fathers

Yo!! The third issue of this amazing journal/magazine is out! If you don't know, this is a place for fathers to write down their thoughts. Not only does the journal boast a wide array of people, it serves as a mirror for people to see themselves and a window for folks to see others. I got a chance to contribute to this magazine so please check it out! Hey, if you're looking for a documentation of parenthood , look no further.

SUPPORT HERE w/ a digital or physical copy.

Daddy Thoughts 9-Continued

Disclaimer, this is a two-part blog post, to fully get this part, you should read the first one.

Now, this is a continuation of what I was saying previously about responsibility and the chore chart I made with my partner through research and asking other parents for advice. My son was dodging any responsibility for anything. He would say, “Why do I have to do this”. “I didn’t know”. “It’s not fair”. You name it. But now I feel that because I have made stricter rules and made them clear, he knows what I expect of him. (He does well with rules/boundaries/plans).

Fast-forward to today’s call. He got in trouble because la maestra called me to tell me he was not listening to her requests. In the scheme of things this is not a huge deal, but I made a point to bring it up to him in conversation because I don’t want to let it slide. So, I should preface this by saying that my son is learning about what it means to take responsibility for what you say or do. Meaning, do not place blame on someone or something because you messed up, or you made a mistake. In addition to teaching him to handle his responsibilities, I’m trying to teach him to think about his actions and what he can do to shape his life. Back to this conversation. The first thing he says when I question him about why I got a call is “these other kids weren’t paying attention during my presentation”. “And?” I asked. “And, I decided to read during their presentations”. So we started to talk about revenge and how the world is in a fucked up place because people keep seeking revenge, or better yet; people keep trying to communicate how bad they feel by making others feel worse. We agreed that this was true, and he named some aspects of WW2 that would not have happened if the adults simply apologized.

The next question I asked was how he could have used his voice to tell the kids how he felt. We agreed that he had the ability to excuse himself and command the floor by asking for every ones attention. I told him that in addition he could ask his teacher for assistance by making it known that others were not paying attention, thereby expressing himself and communicating his needs.  I think this part of the conversation was great because for once he didn’t resort to the “it’s not fair” argument and simply said he would try next time. Then we started to talk about his responsibility in listening. He told me he wasn’t trying to disrespect his maestra; that he had been the one feeling disrespected. But when I explained how hard it is to be a teacher and get the attention of 20-25 students he empathized and understood how his actions (ignoring her requests to stop reading) made her feel, and why she called me.

After this, we talked about what he could do on his own behalf and what consequence there would be for his actions. I didn’t suggest a consequence, but rather asked him what he thought was fair. In the end he knew what I was thinking, and we both agreed that no TV or computer was to be watched the next time it was my weekend. Ok, so this right here. Right here, this shit! This was #$%^&* amazing! Not only did we come to an understanding together, but also while dealing out a consequence I praised him for his honesty and maturity for taking responsibility for his actions. And that felt great. No fighting, no argument, no crying. We got up, I made dinner with my partner Joy, and he sorted his Pokémon cards. Nice.

Rad Dad!! Why another crowd funded project?

Quick Rad Dad: Yo! It's official, the Rad Dad magazine collective just launched a kickstarter to support the creation of three new magazines for the year of 2015! But before I get into the particulars of this I wanna talk about why I get down with this crew and why it I'm involved in another crowd funded project. Were a multicultural/background crew of dads who wanna continue to make a dope magazine that is funded by cool ass people like yourself, not the military or patriarchal bullshit. Wanna talk about our children being murdered? Rampant disrespect of our sisters and trans bredren? Wanna help us raise these babies right? Become a contributor to the mag.

Long RAD DAD: First, when I became a dad I made a commitment to my son to always be there, to always do my best, to teach, love, and to protect him in anyway I can. There are some days when I have triumphed at this amazingly and days when I've failed horribly. When you are a young father you think you are all alone out there. Sometimes you get into arguments with your partner, your parents, your partners parents, people on the street,etc. There are always people trying to tell you how to raise your child. And truth be told you $#%& up a lot. But it is priceless when you find another father willing to offer advice, not to tell what you're doing wrong but to confide in you that they screwed up too. And to tell you that it will get better and that despite of race, class, background, gender, whatever you can do it. I've been fortunate to get some good conversations with dads like this of all kind of backgrounds, rich, poor, black, white, asian, latino, transgender. I think that a lot of Tv, media, and news don't tell enough of our stories as fathers. Especially these moments when we reach out to one another and show love.

I read the Rad Dad zine as just another guy before I met Tomas Moniz or the rest of the crew. A fellow dad shared it with me. i love zines for their attitude of "do it yourself". Zine makers don't wait for funding or a publisher, or advertisements; they just make it happen. And that is what Tomas did with countless other dads for nearly a decade. Last year he got a cast of characters together to make a new form of that zine happen. He crowd funded the 3 issues we have put out in 2014, the first of which, my work was on the cover for. And now we're going to do it again.

Why crowd funding? It was explained to me when I was just a child literally that a system exists which works towards a goal, one goal. That system of Capitalism has many working and moving parts here in the US and globally which strive for money, control, and power. It enforces its control through many means and Patriarchy is one of them. Patriarchy is a disease that says women are less than. Its one which puts women down, asks men to beat, curse, and disgrace them. And it teaches men to pick up a gun instead, rape, or fuck a woman and leave-instead of raising a child, getting consent, and showing love to one's fellow human being. Now believe me, I am no saint and have fucked up before. But I believe in this magazines potential to reach parents and parents to be out there, especially young men. I believe we and the people we reach out to have something to say that goes against the system of Patriarchy and Capitalism. It ain't the end all to be all, but it is definitely a magazine that isn't going to be quiet or accept adds from cigarette companies and the National Guard, feel me? So we turn to crowd funding because we know there are people who agree with us, and we know that there are folks who could make up their own mind about parenting if they had another view point to chose from. Ok, stepping off soapbox.

Reasons to support:
1. We are pro print! Get this thing in your hands, touch, feel it, pass it on

2. We are multicultural/multi-background crew of fathers, mothers, and allies. Diversity is important.

3. We are feminists who are dads, and are fighting against Patriarchy

4. We are a collective that collaborates to put this thing together

5. Rad Dad's is not what we are, but what we aspire to be

6. We believe in Rad as in "Radical Parenting", which sometimes challenges society and grandparents.

7. We hope to continue providing a platform to talk, vent, discuss, share, and celebrate parenthood.

Spread the word y'all, especially to blogs, sites, radio programs, and places that have the ear of the people. One love!
-Rob

SHARE LINK: http://kck.st/10l0OnI

Rad Dad 2-Cover and physical copies!

Yo, just purchased my first copies of Rad Dad's new magazine with my artwork on the cover. I can't tell you what an honor this is to be featured prominently on the cover; but I can say that I'm blessed to be able to help dads connect. Shout out to Kyle Knobel who designed the cover/ magazine and Tomas Moniz, the editor and creator.

 As I've said many times, I believe we dads owe it to ourselves and our children to talk to each other. It's important to share tricks, tips, vent, ideas, support, check each other, and just really raise our kids right while building a community. We cant do this shit in isolation and we all have had experiences which can teach younger or new fathers just by sharing them. So, if you are a dad and you got something to say, holler at me bruh. Seriously! And if you want to get yourself a copy or get one for a father here's how you do that. Go to the site

http://raddadzine.blogspot.com/ 

(My idea for the cover was to paint a young father of color, with his kids cheesin (smiling) with them trying to photo bomb of course. Because thats what your kids do when they see you trying to take a picture, lol. )

Or, you can cop it from the following distrubutors:
Ubiquity Distributors Inc. www.ubiquitymags.com

Small Changes (Northwest US)
info@smallchanges.com

OneSource Magazine Dist.
jodip@onesourcedist.com

or AK Press
www.akpress.org

Also, I will be at some of the Bay Area events so come holler at me or just come to listen and bear witness. Celebrating the Rad (Radical) Dad's!

Thursday, Feb 6th
Adobe books
7-9pm 3130 24th St , SF
Readings, mingling, community building

Saturday Feb 8th
Berkeley Farmers Market
11-1pm
Rad Dad family meet and greet with Tomas Moniz, Ariel Gore (Hip Mama) and their families

Saturday Feb 8th
Arlene Francis Center
7:30-9pm
6th St. Santa Rosa

Check the website for more events in Vancouver, Seattle, and Portland.