29.3.17

Daddy Thoughts 13- Armor & Loops

It’s hard to predict the level of protectiveness I would feel as a parent before this child was here. Actually it is hard to imagine the level of protectiveness I’ll feel with each developmental change. I think one of the things that amazed me so much when I became a dad was the level of fragility I felt. I wanted to shield and protect. I realized there was so much destructiveness in this world. 

Kids are vulnerable to a lot with or without a guardian. Some of the danger we can control like a broken glass bottle in their path, or skipping a film you know is R rated.  But some experiences we can’t even see. Humiliation, betrayal, or hurt feelings; how do you prepare a kid for that? I mean, you can prep them. Give them a pep talk. But there really is no way to learn how to cope with tough issues until you face them. So, many times recently because of a change in my co-parenting plan (involving him living away from me) I have felt an ever growing urge to arm my son. I mean physically and mentally arm him. Like Neo in the Matrix! I wish I could download kung fu, conflict resolution, or cooking lessons on fried rice.

I think of putting all the necessary items in his backpack before he embarks on a journey. And yet I can’t. I can prepare him a little, but I can’t give him armor so that the harsh blows of reality wont stun him too much. As a guardian or parent, have you ever felt this way? Like you’re not giving a child enough to equip them for this thing called life? What is something you wish your parents had given you?

At least I can say I started the downloading of martial arts. I enrolled him in a kung fu class and as evil as it sounds, I can’t wait til’ he starts sparring and gets whacked, and hits back in a safe environment.

Side note: Lately this child has been a human tape recorder, pausing and replaying things. Rewinding and repeating phrases and sounds. From old vine and You-Tube videos, commercials, to black musicians’ declarations appropriated by the internet. He’ll say the same phrase over and over again until I have to say in Spanish “stop”, ”no more”, “enough”! Lord knows I hate to crush the boy’s creativity but sometimes I need quiet. Strangely enough when they leave you, you find yourself saying the very things that annoyed you or longing for their voice.

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